I’m not a marriage expert; I’ve only had one and it hasn’t even lasted for 10 years. But I have noticed something I enjoy: the familiarity.
At church recently, we were led in a song that was on a praise DVD that our boys listened to years ago. The song apparently triggered the same memory in our mind; we looked at each other at the same time and smiled, knowingly.
I like that I know Kate will pop her neck before she goes to sleep and that she makes a seal noise (“ar ar ar”) when I try to make her laugh with a bad joke. I like that we know the threat of eating curry before driving and enjoy Space Oddity by David Bowie.
There’s a hundred other things that could be added to this list, of varying degrees of intimacy and embarrassment. Knowing and being known; shared memories and rituals; loving and being loved. Makes it worthwhile.
I thought of this because someone I know quoted a tweet (since deleted) that said:
SINGLE is NOT a status. It’s a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live & enjoy life without depending on others.
This struck me as odd. I don’t doubt that many single people are strong. I don’t doubt that many married people are co-dependent (or whatever psychological term is in vogue). But a few counter-thoughts:
- Single is a status. Especially since status generally has a positive connotation, I would think such would be proud of it. If status is an uncomfortable word, how about state?
- Aren’t some of [all?] the best parts of living & enjoying life the times we spend with other people?
- What’s wrong with depending on others? We’re born depending on others, and psychology (and common sense) tell us we’re made to be that way; whether in a marriage relationship or not.
- The username of the original tweeter was sexlovefacts. While you don’t have to be married to have sex and love, it generally requires other people (facts are generally true whether you’re around anyone else or not).